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The following is an actual question given on a University chemistry final exam.
The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting “Oh God!”
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”.
TSA: Left 4 Dead 2 Launch Event Video
Despite all its flaws, there was something about Altaïr’s original adventure that just gripped me so thrillingly. It wasn’t until people pointed out certain issues with Ubisoft Montreal’s game that they even became apparent, such was my enjoyment of traversing Acre they were just non-existent. Now, whether releases this year have soured my views of what combines to make a quality title, with the bar being raised considerably, or my own preconceptions of what to expect Assassin’s Creed II does not begin well. The most apt description is it does a lot of things well, just not as well as other sequels, and sequels it shall be compared to. There is no denying that the tech on show in the original was something to marvel, but with a bit of tweaking and listening to the community, it would be interesting to see if Ezio can follow boldly in the footsteps of his ancestor.
Set in the Renaissance period it seems somewhat apt that the game begins with a bit of a crescendo. Unfortunately, this builds up over several hours and takes a noticeably long time to really get going. For newcomers to the series, the story will seem somewhat sketchy and the length of time taken to get into the real meaty bits of gameplay may well be a big turn-off. It seems to fall foul of ‘this other game does it better’ an awful lot. With such a slow ramp up in excitement, opening with a fantastic set piece seemed a strange omission; pile on top of that the first few sequences are just glorified tutorials and it all just seems a little familiar and to be honest, aggravatingly boring. Graphically the game is stunning during normal play, but takes a dramatic hit during close ups, which is the same for the fluid in game animations and the wooden information based cut-scenes. There is nothing particularly poor about the voice acting but up against the truly outstanding Uncharted 2, it just feels a bit flat and lacking any ambient noise.
Despite all of these possibly crippling points, after a five hour stint, putting the game down was hard. The free running works even more spectacularly than before due to Ezio’s increased agility of his previous counterpart, with even more possible routes and options when running across rooftops and climbing to incredibly heights. Additions to the combat have removed the counter-fest that Altaïr engaged in ever so frequently. Positioning, weapons and number of enemies all have a greater importance, being able to disarm enemies and having a degree of strength foes to combat does lead to more interesting and varied battles. With the inclusion of an actual use for money from buying new weapons and dyes, to renovating areas of Tuscany to gain a steady form of income. With side missions, plenty of collectibles and an increasingly engrossing main plot, Assassin’s Creed II, despite its drawbacks, has me in its grasp.
A neon arrow, a zebra carpet, a forthcoming coaster, this is no ordinary building. Yesterday was the PlayStation Video Store launch party in glitzy Soho. Having travelled for an ardeous couple of hours via a national service that seems to bring out the aggressive, antsy and grumpy nature in even the best of citizens into the capital, I met up with overlord Alex. After a brief difficulty in locating each other, my bold blue hoody ensured I stood out from the crowd and we headed off to the pub, we were considerably early. He spent the first batch of conversation complaining about his travels from Scotland (the cheek of it), before we discussed some TSA happenings over a diet coke and an orange juice respectively.
As time ticked over, so did our patience with our resident TSA news hoarder. We sat in the Pillar of Hercules awaiting Tuffcub to enter, gossiping as to whether each man that entered was him, awaiting for someone to answer their phone when we enquired as to his whereabouts. Eventually he wanders in, his towering figure not something I was expecting. Regardless of the staff’s appearance we’re all lovely online, and both Alex and Tuffcub proved to be exactly the same in person.
After spending a little bit more time in a completely different Soho bar whilst we waited for the event to start, we chatted about how dissapointed we would be if Gerard Butler didn’t sing on stage with Little Boots in his King Leonidas voice, the gap in years between my young self and the slightly older two (which didn’t go down so smoothly) and at the confusion of multiple doors leading into the bathroom and the possibilities of treasure located behind one of them.
Once our baffling dialogue had seized, we made our way down the road to the event location where we were greeted upon a club-styled stamp on the wrist. Like the rest of the night, this was no ordinary stamp as we all inspected our wrists curious as to where the ink actually was. Either it’s UV ink, or they’re stamper was shockingly bad at his job was the conclusion we settled with.
Amongst the tiny but supposedly delicious bowls of Shepherd’s pie, was of course the reason we were there, to get pissed. No, I kid, it was for the now launched PS Video Store. With the launch trailer looping on some truly huge TVs, we prodeeced through a variety of equally mentally decorated rooms until we reached the demo room. As demo’s go, there’s obviously not a great deal to go through besides all of the facts that I furiously typed on my iPhone with its dwindling battery and sent off to the staff to post for all you fine readers (found here, here and here).
Aside from the volume of titles now available for rentals and purchase, it was the pricing that really impressed us. It instantly went from a service that I didn’t plan on using to a rental system that has made me alter my LoveFilm subscription already. Rentals from £2.49 for SD and £3.49 for HD, these are prices that are just within impulse purchase regions for me.
Munching down on plenty of bowls (all the food was in tiny bowls) of hake and chips and drinking copious amounts of diet coke and a couple rather delightful lychee breeze cocktails, we discussed many more things. The eavesdropping of a conversation about the lack of porn on the Video Store led to a quite creepy situation, which calmly led to the topics of cottaging and wondering who the lady that everyone was interviewing was. Whilst Alex went of to pilfer some stuff (by pilfer I mean collect swag to give away), the lack of Gerard Butler was becoming increasingly disappointing, although Tuffcub felt it necessary to mock my lack of celebrity knowledge.
So after a splendid trip to meet two fellow members of staff, discover my like for a new type of fish, use a cloakroom for free for the first time since primary school and get to see and hear about the Video Store, I can safely conclude: well done Sony.
A metal version of Mario
Stumbling forward, the peripherals of my vision starting to blur, panic began to run through my bones. They were gone, all gone. Every single one of them. So quickly, so young. I thought I could have saved at least a solitary soul. With sweat dripping down my forehead, my skin pale, my appearance dishevelled, I pushed towards base. Arriving on location, I spotted a rookie and asked about the mission. Having been directed to HQ I managed to collect the package. As time went on, my perception became more and more indistinct and the world started to slip away. The engagement was complete however and it was just a matter making it to the LZ. It was pouring with rain outside, not ideal conditions for a quick extraction. Struggling on, each step becoming increasingly difficult as my body became more tiresome, the LZ was in sight.
Time was not my ally though, transport was almost there and it wouldn’t wait around. So, with all the energy I had remaining, I picked up the pace. Soaked through, all senses slowly fading into a distant blur, I leapt onto the bus, with a copy of Modern Warfare 2 in my bag and set off home.
Sceptical. Probably the best way to describe my emotions towards possible the biggest entertainment release to date. Having never actually owned the Infinity Ward’s last Call of Duty, I knew there was going to be a lot that would surprise me, but also I wasn’t entirely sure what everyone was so excited for. Sure, the original was an interesting and new take on a market filled with past wars, with a solid single player campaign and supposedly addictive multiplayer, but what could they add to it? Many successful titles have seen their sequels, which were bigged up to become the worlds greatest game, just to become polished versions of the originals. Modern Warfare 2 is one of those games. That however, is by no means a bad thing.
From the off, campaign is a cinematic experience to better any first person shooter on the market. Whether it’s from an exquisite use of plot disposition to ensure that the stories climaxes are never too far away or one of the many adrenaline filled events, an epic tale is being told with plenty of exhilaration. There are countless missions that I have played several times over from sheer enjoyment, which does make Modern Warfare lose a bit of its suitability with the story as it becomes more of a highlights reel. Unfortunately, not everything is a highlight.
Without hanging onto a topic that really doesn’t warrant it for too long, the mission ‘No Russian’ has created quite a storm of controversy. Whilst being able to have as much of an indirect role to the events that occur, it is still rather harrowing and disturbingly misplaced. Even in a game filled with death and chaos, the difference between taking down a soldier and slaughtering innocent civilians is a line my moral compass refused to cross. If the scene was used for effect at building up plot tension then it severely failed and seemed to play no real baring on the outcome of the somewhat flimsy story.
Aside from this baffling inclusion, the level design is superb. The variety of locales, level structure and verticality all work brilliantly to combine into a delightfully solid experience. Perhaps with some of the best subconsciousness signposting I’ve experienced, having never once got lost, but also never felt as if someone was yelling “this way!” at every turn. There are some small frustrations with the general play though. Whilst I appreciate that getting shot should hinder my abilities in combat, splattering my screen with ‘blood’ just blinds me to a degree that makes windscreen wiper a sensible addition to my loadout. I’m not expecting realism, I mean my health magically regenerates, there were a variety of brilliantly used filters and effects used during those are-they-aren’t-they-cutscenes that would have worked so much more fluidly.
The variation of missions and locations is simply fantastic and possibly unrivalled. Whether it be a run and gun free for all in the suburbs of Rio, speeding on a snowmobile down the Tian Shan Range, stealthily eliminating enemies under the cover of sand or snow, tactically clearing out a building or sprinting Mirror’s Edge style through tight alleyways, it is always kept fresh. It is always exciting. The dénouement is as well played out as any other, with the final sequence producing a suitable climax.
With multiplayer that resembles a polished version of the successful version released two years ago, it’s certain to be a massive hit and has already sucked me into it. With its MMO-styled progression system towards rewards and upgrades, it will hook players in an instant. However, it’s the additional co-operative mode Spec Ops mode that is the main extra draw. Providing a healthy does of bitesized missions to engage with another player, creating arcade-style challenges, with incredibly well fuelled replayability with the use of a star system, time trials and leaderboards, it takes a unique twist on the traditional story based co-op scenarios.
Ultimately, this blockbuster is just another version in the Modern Warfare franchise and whilst failing to live up to the unreachable hype that was developed prior to release, Infinity Ward have produced a very impressive title. One good enough to even convince this sceptic. 9/10